Warning Labels. . . .

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

(Reading this could actually cause brain synapses to fire and connect)

You know, some things in life should go without saying. . . but then there are always those PATHETIC souls who screw it up for the rest of us and must be warned not to use a blowtorch while napping.

Have you ever read the back of a product (or outer wrapper) and seen the TOTALLY OBVIOUS warning labels? I mean come on! Who doesn't know NOT to use hair coloring as an ice cream topping?

While shopping the other day and trying to find the instructions amid the GLARING warning labels on products I was purchasing--I stopped and took note.

Here's my thought: If the stupid warning actually made it on the product container, how many times was it actually attempted before 'the powers that be' decided they better give the public fair warning? Twice? Thrice? A whole bunch of lawsuits later?

Let me save you some grief, dear bloggers. I'm going to put myself out there and save you some time and put some of the WHAT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS warning labels right here in this post for you.

(And don't say I didn't warn you)

Actual Warning Labels on Products:

• In a microwave oven manual: 'Do not use for drying pets'

• On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: 'Do not use orally'

• On a curling iron: 'Warning: This product can burn eyes. For external use only'

• On a cardboard sunshield for car: 'Do not drive with sunshield in place'

• On a baby stroller: 'Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage'

• On a hair dryer: 'Do not use in shower. Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.'

• On an electric rotary tool: 'This product not intended for use as a dental drill'

• On an iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body'

• On a digital thermometer: 'Do not use orally after using rectally'

• On a chainsaw: 'Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand'

• On a package of hammers: 'May be harmful if swallowed'

• On a vacuum cleaner: 'Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning'

I think you get the point. The question remains, did people actually try to do this stuff? They must have, if we have to have a warning label about it. . . after all--the folks in charge would never waste our time with nonsense and information that we could figure out for ourselves.

From now on, just to be safe--I will peruse that 'warning label' most carefully. I want to be sure that I don't miss anything.

After all--I could have totally blown it when buying my latest purchase of Dial soap. The package said: 'Use like regular soap' Had I not been paying attention to that warning--I could have used it like irregular soap or (Heaven forbid!) something quite different altogether. . .