Friday, December 17, 2010

I'm glad I don't have this much swagger. . .

Seriously. . . I remember those days with 4 kids and a mini van and a house decorated in Fisher-Price with a touch of Lego for that special ambiance.

Now I get to sit back, relax and watch my daughter styling with her own offpring. . . only she's much more 'tricked out' that I was. Yep!  She has her own 'swagger wagon'.

So dear daughter--I'm dedicating this video to you and your whole pimpin' parenting generation. . . because, well, you're cooler than me. . . .

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A most difficult Spelling Bee

Spelling Bees can be agonizingly stressful events.  Sometimes months, nay years of preparation are required before you can enter a contest such as this and expect a scintilla of success.

Thus, you might well imagine my surprise when an impromptu Spelling Bee was called for by two of my grandsons the other evening when the old 'G-Pa' and I were visiting. Those guilty of such a malicious pop quiz were no older than 6  (and 4).

The six year old decided to go at it with G-Pa, while the supposedly innocent and unassuming 4 year old ran amok on 'Nana'.  (me)

This is the 6 year old--and don't think his offering of a delectable peach is an act of kindness.  Nope!  It's meant to distract you and take you off your game.

This is the wicked, nasty, mean four-year-old and don't let that charming countenance or exuberant smile deceive you.  He was all business and competition when it came to the 'Spelling Bee'.

You can judge for yourself whether I had a right to complain or not.  Here is only part of the humiliation I suffered that evening:

4 year old:  Spell Balcano, Nana.

Me:  You mean volcano don't you?

4 year old:  No--it's BALcano--now spell it.

Oh what to do--what to do?  Apparently I just squeaked by with my rendition.  Then here is what came up next:

4 year old:  Now spell befeated.

Me:  BEfeated?

4 year old: Yep!  That's what I said.

Me:  Could you please use it in a sentence?

4 year old:  I befeated you at this Spelling Bee.

(and for the record--he most certainly did.)  I think I'll just stick with youngest grandson for a while.  I may have a chance against him. . . . . for now.

12 Days of Christmas

Well, it's the final countdown to the Holiday of the year!  And so I give you this little gem for your entertainment pleasure.

And please note:  You better be on your best behavior. . . Santa's Elves are watching you know.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Must everything be literal?

I have this friend. . . no wait. . . maybe she will want to be referred to as just a passing acquaintance after this--so let's just say this 'person I know' called me up to make sure I was still on for our scheduled appointment for that afternoon.

We had secret plans and secret meetings that we had to attend to.  (not really, but it sounds more interesting that way)

Anyway, the conversation went something like this:

Person I know:  Are you still on for this afternoon?

Me:  Yes--but I need to meet with a blind lady first.

Person I know:  Really?  I didn't know you were meeting a blind lady.

Me:  Yes, she's coming to my house around 3:00 in the afternoon--and it should only take an hour.

Person I know:  (Seemingly curious--but not quite willing to ask)  Well, do you want to call me after you are through with your meeting and then I can pick you up?

Me:  Sounds good--she should be done with the measurements by 4 or 4:30 at the latest.

Person I know:  (rather incredulous)  Why are you having a blind lady taking measurements?  And of WHAT?  Are you having a deaf man come to do a sound check next?

Me:  (Can't talk very well due to hysterical laughing)  She's not actually blind.  I'm having new blinds installed in the windows of my house.  She's coming over to measure them.  I call her the blind lady--because she's selling me blinds.

Person I know:  Ahhhh.  Got it.  (sounds of relief in her voice)

Me:  But that gives me an idea.

Person I know:  What?

Me:  I'm thinking I do need a sound check on my surround system.  I think I"ll look into it.

Person I know:  Well, just remember. . .

Me:  (interrupting) I think folks are way too literal.

Person I know:  You mean, taking everything you say at face value--and believing literally everything you say?

Me: SHUT UP!  That's exactly what I'm talking about.  Folks are taking everything literally when they should be more open and relaxed.  At least that's what the experts tell us, right?

Person I know:  (silence)

Me:  Right?

Person I know:  (silence)


Person I know:  (silence)

Me:  Are you there?

Person I know:  Of course I'm here.

Me:  Why didn't you answer?

Person I know:  You told me to 'shut up'--so I did.

Me:  I didn't literally mean shut up.  You know, it's just an expression. Like 'sick' or 'talk to the hand' or.'off the hook' or . .

Person I know:  (interrupting) We're on the phone so I can't see your hand.

Me:  Oh 'just get off the phone' I know that!

Person I know:  (click)

Ummmm. . . I hope she's still gonna pick me up. . . .