Thursday, February 26, 2009

Breakdancing Old School & New School Style!

I'll let you in on a little secret at the 'Showmethesale Estate'. . . You cannot get away from B-boys and their 'wicked dance skills' when you are around my house. Age isn't a factor either--it's in the genes, I guess.

A few weeks back my oldest son came home for a week and had to bust out a few moves while he was here. This is a sample of the 'old school' style:

His sister calls him crazy legs--because they are so long. He's like a tall, cool glass of water when he's doing his windmills:

And then my lil' grandsons came to spend the day with me and THEY decided to bust out a few moves in the 'new school' style:

They are just so doggone cute:

OK--so indulge me, after all I am their 'nana' I saved the best for last. Note the musicality with the older one (Sam) when the next song starts:

Hopefully they slept WELL for their parents that night after going home--because they only had one thing to say after making these videos to show off their 'Mad Breakdancing Skills':

The difference between men and women's brains. . .

Aha! I stumbled on something that makes sense! After watching this video I have figured out that my dear hubby uses his 'nothing box' almost exclusively.

I also learned the reason why my brain keeps going. . . and going. . . and going. . .

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Is DayQuil a Controlled Substance now? Does EVERYONE have to show I.D. to buy cold medicine at Target?

Good grief! Why does this kinda stuff always happen to ME? I'm telling you I just don't get any breaks. . .

Here's the story:

Last week I was pretty sick and so was dear hubby--my youngest son (who is soon to be 18) was getting over his own sickness and was in better shape than his father and I, so I sent him to the local Target store for some NyQuil and he came back empty handed because the Target Store cashier had 'carded' him and said he was too young to buy it! Even though it was over the counter medicine and the particular formula had no alcohol in it. . .

OK--I get it. We're cracking down on teens buying over the counter meds to supposedly get high. . . so I made a mental note that 17 year olds can't buy cold medicine.

But TODAY was different, because I went to the store myself to get some DayQuil so my dear hubby and son (who relapsed on his sickness) could take some non-drowsy medicine that would help them battle the nasty cold they both have during the day.

My experience also happened at a Target store--but a different one than my son went to, since I was in another part of town.

I was completely flabbergasted with what transpired after I got to the register and put my shampoo, conditioner, and DayQuil on the counter and had them rung up by the friendly Target man.

Target Man: Ma'am, I'm going to have to see some I.D.

Me: What? For the shampoo or DayQuil?

Target Man: It says here on my register that you have bought an item that is contraband without proper I.D.

Me: You're kidding me right? Is this a powerful shampoo or something?

Target Man: Please show me your I.D.

Me: Do I look under 18 to you?

Target Man: I just need to see some I.D. You have something that could cause drowsiness.

Me: I wish I had something that could be lethal. This is crazy. DayQuil doesn't cause drowsiness--that's why it's called DayQuil--so you can take it during the day. And I'm sure the conditioner doesn't cause drowsiness, unless you use it when you are napping.

Target Man: Perhaps there is a controlled substance in it.

Me: By controlled do you mean, yellow dye #5 or maybe the moisturizers?

Target Man: I'm not sure--but you have to show me I.D. please.

Me: (getting out my driver's license and being VERY skeptical) This is nuts! What does it say exactly on that register?

Target Man: (looking at my license and faltering a bit) Something was flagged that tells me to ask the customer for I.D.

71 Year Old Man Next In Line: I have some Aspirin and laxatives. Do I need to get out my I.D. too?

Target Man: (Ignoring man and giving me back my license) It's OK. You just need to remember that we have a policy where we have to check I.D. when certain items are bought. I'm sure this has happened before.

Me: I've bought a lot of ' over the counter medicines' and shampoos over the years at many different stores--and NOT ONE TIME have I ever been asked to show I.D. I can understand that IDs need to be checked for tobacco, alcohol, certain medications and inappropriate materials for KIDS under 18, 21 or whatever the legal age limitations are. But I find it hard to believe that you are asking I.D. from everyone buying shampoo and cold medicine.

Target Man: Yes, I have to. That is policy. One of your items of purchase was flagged and I.D. must be shown.

Me: I.D. must be shown? For what purpose? What are you going to do now that you've seen it? Did you look at the year I was born?

Target Man: No, I looked at your picture. Very nice. Thank you for shopping at Target.

Me: Thank you for following a 'policy' that you have no idea what you are supposed to be looking for. Can I see some I.D.?

Target Man: What?

Me: I need to see some I.D. You're trying to sell me an item that could potentially cause drowsiness and has been flagged by my brain.

Target Man: (trying to smile) You're kidding, right?

Me: Do I look like I'm kidding? I'm kidding about as much as I look 17!

Target Man: (completely missing the point and handing me my bag of items) Well. . . OK then. Thanks again for shopping at Target.

So I left the store vowing never to buy over the counter medicines at Target again. . . although I might have been too hasty. I'm actually curious about this 'policy' and if everyone truly needs to show I.D. when purchasing cold medicines. (or shampoo) So I might just go back tomorrow and have a little talk with the manager. . .

Besides---a good friend told me that I should be flattered that I got carded at my age!

Now, if the guy in question was carding me because he thought I was under 18, I would have been flattered--but the guy didn't even know what he was supposed to be carding for--all he knew was that he was supposed to card.

And my blogger fans should know by now that lately I have gotten a really short fuse when it comes to being stupid. . .

Monday, February 23, 2009

Everything Is Absolutely Amazing and Nobody’s Happy

We truly live in an absolutely astonishing, wonderful world--full of possibilities and incredible 'stuff'. . . and it's so easy to become numb to it all and begin to take everything for granted, UNLESS you happen upon a video clip like this where this funny comic puts it all in perspective.

Here's a clip from the comedian Louis C.K. when he appeared on Conan O'Brien--and it really is quite telling:

Now the fact that you probably just watched this on a computer monitor, laptop, I-phone, or some other electronic device in your skivvies while eating something you popped into the microwave or pulled from the fridge without batting an eye, isn't lost on me either. . .

Everything IS absolutely amazing and I'm declaring today that I AM INDEED HAPPY!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

The joys of air brushing. . .

Eureka! I have discovered that photo retouching is not just limited to celebrities.

I mean, come on unless you see these folks in PERSON--how do you know they really look like that?

Air brushing does wonders for getting rid of fat, wrinkles, blemishes, body flaws and even bad hair days.

Case in point--look at these photos after some great photo shop guy has been through with them:

Jane Fonda

Kim Cattrall

Kate Hudson

Kelly Osbourne

That gave me an idea. . . if I don't look that great in real life, well I can look pretty darn fine in photos! So I sent off a couple photos right away to an air brush expert. . . and he made me into Rachel Stevens and Cheryl Crow in mere seconds! No pain, no down time, and no cost! I'm telling you, my family albums are NEVER gonna look the same--why folks won't even recognize me!

Hmmmmm. . . I can't tell which one I like best. . .

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Catch phrases. . .

I'm sure you know what catch phrases are. They are those frequently used phrases that have become so redundant and commonplace that whenever you hear them, you know exactly what is being referred to.

Well, I take that back--you may NOT know exactly what is being referred to, but you at least know the phrase being spoken.

Take for instance these recognizable catch-phrases:

1) "Beam me up, Scotty." (even if you aren't a Star Trek fan, you probably have heard this phrase)

2) "Live from New York, it's. . . " (see, I bet you filled in the blank, didn't you? Why it's 'Saturday Night Live' of course!)

And here's a one word wonder of a catch phrase that's used around my house a lot:

3) "D'oh!" (from Homer Simpson himself)

4) "I'll be back. . . " (from the Governator who used to be a terminator before he became the Governator)

Here's another one you perhaps might hear at my house too:

5) "Holy crap!" (ushered a LOT by Frank Baraone on the show 'Everybody Loves Raymond'--as well as around our house)

6) "Well, isn't that special?" (The church lady character by Dana Carvey)

and even though there are a GAZILLION more I'll leave you with this final offering:

7) "How YOU doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani from the TV sit com 'Friends')

These phrases that we've heard over the years ad nauseum from celebrities, movies and TV, have now become a part of our culture and that got me to thinking. . .what about my own legacy? What common catch-phrases can be heard at the 'Showmethesale Estate' and is just a part of our family/friend vernacular?

If I thought that the common catch phrases of our day are pretty idiotic--that's nothing compared to what can be heard quipped around our homestead on a regular basis. (Please realize I had only 1 daughter and 3 boys as well as their crazy friends and my dear hubby who is nuttier than all of them put together when it comes to pulling pranks--so our common phrasology may not be typical)

I offer these up in the hopes that YOU, my dear blog reader, will get to thinking about your own homemade catch-phrases and please!--if they are as sick as some of mine, for pity's sake--STOP SAYING THEM while you still have a chance!

Very common catch phrases around Showmethesale's house:

1) "Don't tell mom."

2) "If you are not squirting blood from an artery, then I don't want to hear about it."

3) "I'm counting to three. . ."

4) "Can I have a twenty?"

5) "There's nothing to eat around here."

6) "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

7) "Stop blowing up/setting fire to the _______"(fill in the blank with the item of the day)

8) "Why are you looking at me?"

9) "I hope this wasn't valuable but. . . "

And my personal favorite:

10) "If the school/police/neighbor calls you, it wasn't me."

So. . . come on, 'fess up? What are some common catch phrases at your place?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Gun Safety. . . From a (ahem) Professional!

There is no explanation for this video. Well, no logical explanation. It's just that I finally came down with the 'creepy crud' that my Dear Hubby and youngest son have had for about a week.

It hit me with a vengeance yesterday--and so of course the only thing I could do was lie around moaning in my PJs and watch Youtube videos from my comfy office chair.

Now I know many of you have probably seen this clip before--but it's ALWAYS a good idea to go over and over and over and OVER the importance of gun safety. One can never be too careful. . . (or safe apparently)

And blogger fans, let this be a lesson to you! If this unbelievable moron professional cop can have an accident demonstrating gun safety to the kiddies--then there is no hope for the rest of us mere mortals (even if we don't own guns)

I'm sure right after this 'gun safety demonstration' was shown, school officials decided to cancel the fire safety demonstration set for the following week. . .


I just found a picture of my oldest son and some cronies who apparently are practicing the same kind of gun safety regimen. . . Maybe these guys should go on tour and speak to kids or something . . . (Oldest son is hatless on the end left)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Following the Dilbert Principle. . .

Yeah, I know it's Valentine's Day today and everyone is being all 'mushy' and 'lovey-dovey' and that's just SWELL. . . but my poor Dear Hubby is really sick and so I thought I'd post something just for HIM that he can really relate to and that he would enjoy.

Since he's a cubicle rat himself--he really enjoys the comic strip 'DILBERT'

For those of you who are not Dilbert fans this anti corporate comic strip was created by Scott Adams who actually had some pretty profound thoughts along with the regular 'funnies' he produced in newspapers and books.

For instance. . . let's take the 'Dilbert Principle' itself. The Dilbert Principle simply states: 'People are idiots' And judging by a few of my previous posts (Stupid Is As Stupid Says and Octuplet Mommy) I would tend to agree.

Here are a few more examples of that from some folks you may have heard of:

Bill Clinton, former U.S. president

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."

"You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say."

Bob Dole, former U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."

Lamar Alexander, former Secretary of Education, explaining his ideas on what parents of children who attend poorly funded urban or rural schools should do to solve the problem

"If you're living in an area with a bad school, move to a place where there's a better school."

Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, D.C.

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."

And just so you don't think I'm only picking on politicians--here's a gem of a statement by:

John Wayne, Actor

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

Scott Adams also said: "I've discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get."

Actually, I think Bill Gates looks quite tame compared to some of these successes:

Phil Knight--Nike Founder

Ted Turner--Media Mogul

And mirror, mirror on the wall--isn't this guy the scariest one of all?

Dilbertonians (loyal fans of Dilbert) also know that you must always avoid meetings with time-wasting morons. (However if you work with them, then this cannot be helped)

And finally here's some real food for thought coined by Dilbert's creator, Scott Adams: "In the future, the most important career skill will be a lack of ethics."

Unfortunately this has already come true in our government as well as business. . .
In fact, when I read that statement--these little logos came into my head:

So I think the 'Dilbert Principle' is alive and well. . . and on that note I will wish Dear Hubby and all other romantics a Happy Valentine's Day!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Speaking of mothers. . . .

This is a timely topic, what with 'octoplet mommy' in the news and all the 'mommy blogs' out there on the interweb--so I thought I'd add my own 2 cents.

Actually, I need to give my dear daughter credit for the idea as she posted on her own blog about all the new skills she's had to learn being the mother of two little boys (with another one on the way)

When you are a young mom you learn to multi-task like the dickens and keep your young brood from killing themselves as well as being a proverbial nose and bottom wiper.

I had fun reading all the recent skills she's acquired such as:

Changing a diaper, talking on the phone, and making a mental grocery list for the day at the same time

And this one:

Removing pencil marks, crayon marks, and boogers from walls

That really got me to thinking how many skills I have acquired being the mother of four (with 3 now grown and 1 still left puttering around the ole' homestead) and a few grand babies thrown into the mix.

I came to the conclusion that mothering skills grow exponentially as the kidlets grow--so hang in there young moms! You will be abounding in seriously AWESOME parenting skills as your children age.

Here are some that I acquired as my children grew a bit older, hit puberty, and then became teenagers and beyond:

Being able to decipher all the subtle meanings of the word 'ugh' when it is a response to what you've asked. Also understanding the various nuances of 'yeah', 'whatever', 'huh', and 'mmmmm'.

I became adept at mind reading without ever having to look my children in the eye. I could do this from just seeing the angle of the back of their heads.

Finding new and clever ways of expressing 'I told you so' without actually having to say those words.

Proudly not overusing the phrase 'because I'm the mom, that's why'.

Finding out that reverse psychology has the reverse effect on a teenager and never works the way you want it to.

On weekends, being able to stay up all night worrying when they will get home safely--falling into a deep sleep when they come through the door--only to get up bright-eyed and perky a few hours later to start the day. (and never let them see you sweat)

Whenever asked, finding lost clothes, school assignments, keys, calculators, candy wrappers, spare change, discarded food items, glasses, video game controllers, TV remotes, books, games, odds 'n ends, and various friends in the oddest places of my domicile. (This was a talent I never knew I possessed--but I ended up using it constantly)

Playing doctor, nurse, therapist, life coach, social planner, cook, teacher, biggest fan, prosecutor, judge, banker, parole officer, chauffeur, maid, chaperon, friend, defense attorney, devil's advocate, psychic, and final authority on the matter all in one day. (and sometimes to just one kid!)

Staying young enough to enjoy their friends, games and activities and old enough to know when 'enough was enough' and time to bow out and give them room to be on their own.

Being the dumbest person on the planet most days--and yet the smartest person on the planet when real advice was needed.

Ahhh. . . and now that I'm a 'Nana'. . . it ain't quite over yet! I've got quite a few wicked parenting skills that came with a lot of effort and learning that I can practice on the next generation. I just wish I knew all that I know now when my own kids were little.

(And I've finally learned the biggest secret of all--grand kids are the reason why we have kids in the first place!)

Apparently eight is not enough. . .

Does anyone remember that early 80's sit com: 'EIGHT IS ENOUGH'?

Apparently this woman, Nadya Suleman didn't remember.

She is the single mom of 6 children ranging from 2 to 7 years of age who recently gave birth to octuplets. (That's EIGHT babies at once, for those who might have thought the 'octuplet' word was in reference to some sort of marine life)

Besides the interviews and the hoping for a book and movie deal that this nutcase woman is wishing to garner--does anyone else think she has an uncanny resemblance to Angelina Jolie? (who also, by the way, likes having and collecting children--but has a ton of money and BRAD PITT to help raise them. . . as well as an entourage of house help and staff)

Octuplet mommy also looks a bit like the comedienne, Janeane Garofalo:

Only I don't think a single mother of 14 with no home, no income, and driving her poor parents bankrupt is one bit funny.

Nadya's mom says that her 33 year year old daughter is not capable of raising 14 children. She said that her daughter's decision to impregnate herself again after giving birth to six children 'really unconscionable'. She also went on to say that she's been housing and supporting her daughter and her six grandchildren by previous in vitro fertilization procedures in a "cramped" apartment for years and that her daughter has never contributed to rent or food money. She DID however, manage to buy some toys on occasion for her kids.

The grandmother's name is Angela Suleman. And she really must be an 'Angel' putting up with a daughter that is trying desparately to have more kids than Jolie as well as look like her. Here's a shot of her earlier on, and then recently. Methinks she paid some visits to a plastic surgeon as well as the invitro doctor.

While she may be able to have all those kids and capture Jolie's look--word has it, that Brad Pitt is still off limits. . .

Monday, February 9, 2009

I Love Jesus, But I Drink A Little. . .

Oh MY! This has GOT to be one of the funniest clips I've ever seen from the Ellen DeGeneres Show. . .

Real people in candid moments are WAY more entertaining than anything scriptwriters could ever come up with.

Just push play and ENJOY!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The lips that never smile and other clever sayings. . .

Apparently I have baffled some of my friends with my verbiage. Just as former President Bush came up with a new word that he totally pulled off and is now commonly used: 'misunderestitmated', I guess I have come up with a new word as well.

But I SWEAR I had heard this word before and I have used it at times during my life--although this weekend I left one of my friends completely baffled and google-ing until the wee hours of the morning to try and find it.

(I could have helped him out--it is actually on this blog, in another post!!)

The word I used was 'perfungeration' and it was used to describe the smell emitted by one who kept passing gas. . . (and no, there is no need to know the circumstances of why or where or who it was directed at)

Needless to say--I WOWED 'EM with my prolific vocabulary--with the exception of one who was very skeptical that perfungeration was actually a REAL WORD!

Even if you can't find it in any dictionary or Wikipedia site--I think it's very apt and I'm keeping it at the ready, should I need to use it again.

So mystified friends or not, the word held staying power for the evening and now I am sure some are attempting to try it out when the opportunity arises. . .

As far as phraseology goes--I have another friend who truly wins first prize. One never quite knows what will come out of this guy's mouth--and so one must always be prepared for ANYTHING, especially things that have nothing to do with the subject matter being discussed.

Case in point:

Dear Hubby and I were recently out to dinner with this friend, when he began regaling us with stories from his life. Someone else began to add to the merriment, when all of a sudden he came up with: 'Why don't you kiss me on the lips that never smile.'

Now I have heard just about everything in reference to 'kiss my tush'--but I had NEVER heard it put quite that way before.

(I made a mental note right then and there to keep that in my revolving file--right up there with 'perfungeration')

One never knows when phrases like that might come in handy. . .

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Stupid is as stupid says. . .

Today I had a totally frustrating and hair-pulling-out phone conversation with a credit card customer service rep.

I was trying to get some information on the status of my credit card, current billing, etc. (but I won't bore you with the details of my plight or scintillating conversation)

Instead I will tell you this: after I got off the phone with her, it got me to thinking how incredibly STUPID people are! We are becoming a nation of 'stupider & stupider' people. It's really quite scary.

And just to prove my point, I will illustrate with quotes by some famous people who apparently have no problem letting out their stupid side whenever they get a chance:

First we have one from the 'Governator'--Arnold Shwarzenegger:

"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."

Next we have the lovely (and apparently modest in the brain department) Tara Reid:

"I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist."

So let's hear from the Rock Scientist herself, shall we? Jessica Simpson:

"I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas! Are there people from Texas who are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me."

How about another 'Rock Scientist' who goes by the name of Britney Spears:"I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't really like eating fish, and I know that's very popular out there in Africa"

And let's not forget Brit's brilliant 'baby-daddy' Kevin Federline:

He's got a couple of good quotes:

"I told her that it`s not right for the woman to ask the man. The man`s supposed to get on one knee and do it right. It took me about five minutes, and then I turned around and asked her."

And this one is so true: "Watching us go through things makes other people feel normal."

Here's something truly profound from Brooke Shields:
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"

And another deeply moving statement by Linda Evangelista:
"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a school teacher."

How about hearing from another knock-out, Mariah Carey:
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.""

I can't resist this one by Nicole Ritchie:“When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes.”

And of course, let's not leave the men out! Here's Dan Quayle:Here are 3 of my favorites:

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California. I grew up in Phoenix."

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

And let's not forget George W. Bush:"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them"

"We got issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OBGYNs aren't able to practice their, their love with women all across this country"

"They misunderestimated me." (ain't THAT the truth!)

And besides Al Gore inventing the 'interweb' and 'global warming' he gave us this piece of wisdom:"A zebra does not change its spots"

Let's hear the wisdom of our current president, Barack Obama: "I've now been in 57 states -- I think one left to go."

"Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel's. It will be a strong friend of Israel's under a McCain...administration. It will be a strong friend of Israel's under an Obama administration. So that policy is not going to change."

With Obama's talk of change--he might want to consider Gary Busey for a cabinet post:"There's nothing like changes because nothing changes but changes."

And who knew Dennis Rodman was so doggone smart?:"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out 2 + 2 = 10 or something"

And I don't even have to put a quote up about this guy--his photo says it all:

And finally--in honor of the Superbowl XLIII which we all just witnessed this past Sunday--I'll leave you with some fantastic quotes from some football experts:

Joe Theisman: (quarterback and sports analyst)"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Danny Ozark: (Philadelphia Phillies manager)"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

And people are worried about the 'Dumbing Down Of America'. . .

After hearing from these fine folks, I'd say the majority of us are just fine and dandy!

While we can't all be 'rock scientists' or changers for change's sake--let's just work on not being STUPID, OK?