Yoga. . .not just for wimps.

I am trying to get back into shape. . . and have turned to the discipline of 'YOGA'

By way of explanation, I am a baby boomer and a child of the 60's--so I remember the days when yoga was a psychedelic experience best left to the granola-munching flower children. . .

It has now evolved into the back-breaking, sweat-inducing, joint-dislocating, specialized clothes wearing experience truly fit for a top athlete of the 21st century.

Let me go over some of the 'postures' I've mastered and what this has done for my body and overall health. . .

I usually try and start my day with:

1) 'Reaching Tall For Pain Meds' This pose is done to enhance the rest of the experience of the remaining poses. (be sure and down 3 or 4 pills before starting any other postures. . . Oh! And drink lots of water)

This is followed by:

2) 'Dying Chicken Comes Home To Roost' If you pull your leg up beyond your back, just before you hit the floor, you will minimize the amount of bones broken as well as not have to take so many pain meds AFTER your yoga workout.

Next comes the not to be forgotten:
3) 'Assume The Position And Kiss Your Feet Goodbye' This not only helps you 'break wind' it also gives you a great view of any particles of matter left over from the previous day's yoga workout.

And I NEVER feel completely satisfied unless I've practiced:
4) 'Waving Hello To Ancestors' This pose is also known as 'Go Towards The Light' and can be practiced in this stance as well: What you will find after prolonged use of this posture is a yearning for the life beyond--or anything to get you out of the extreme agony of not being able to feel your legs and the vice-like constriction that surrounds your lungs and chest muscles.

Just before I finally collapse to the earth (if I've made it this far) I always find time for:
5) 'Squatting On The Can' Which is a definite plus if you ever want to be able to sit down again or use the toilet on your own after any intense yoga experience.

This is painfully followed by:
6) 'Wobbly Table Now Serving Three' Which you can actually do with either leg. Just choose the one that isn't tingling and still has some feeling left.

We must not forget the all important:
7) 'Building A Bridge Of Broken Limbs' Which can be easily accomplished with any remaining movable limbs that are left--as well as using opposable thumbs. If you are really feeling 'frisky' you can also do it this way--after consulting a neighbor and borrowing extra body parts.

And FINALLY I always end my Yoga workout with:
8) 'Body Lies Dead On Floor' This is the most relaxing and satisfying of the poses and one which I have mastered to perfection. In fact, as soon as I am done posting this--I am going right back into that position!

I hope this has helped explain the complexity and simplicity and otherwise insanity of the ever-changing popularity and disparity of YOGA!

By the way, I hope you can truly appreciate the dedication and sacrifice I went through to type out this post for you--as I was in this position the entire time:

This is the 'Master Blogger Advanced Posting As An Eagle' stance. And it takes SOME DOING--let me tell you! I had to remount my monitor, disable the spell check, and place my mouse between my teeth--and that was all before I even logged on to the computer!