Women and the proverbial SALE!

OK. . . so once upon a time I met 3 of my gal pals to go shopping (you can see them pictured here) and let me tell you women's shopping is a contest worthy of any 'American Gladiator' or 'Ninja Warrior' competition. . . (and yes, I have a DVR now and I've familiarized myself with both these shows)

Well. . . let me tell you about this particular day. . . and the CONTEST that we went through to get the absolute BEST SALE. . .

Oh, by the way, for the uninitiated, women and 'sales shopping' go back as far as cavemen and clubs. . .
You know the men and their 'biggest' fish stories? . . . (I think I actually have an example on my blog with my own dear hubby) And if you read an earlier post of mine you will recall the 'one-upmanship' that women do to each other with their tales from 'real life' (when they get together to 'share'). . . Women are not so bold and unashamedly direct as their male counterparts when telling these 'stories'. . . they are much more subtle, catty and deceitful about it. . . (after all, it's in good fun, you know!)

Anyway--I'm digressing here--my point is that one fine day ALL of us went on an 'all day shopping spree' to find that ONE PERFECT SALE that would beat all the others. The sale that would drive lesser minions and bargain-shopping wannabes right out of the factory outlet parking lot.

And of course we met for an early dinner to discuss our prizes and gloat over our 'finds'. . .


After exchanging polite pleasantries--we got down to the real nitty-gritty and discussed the 'ABSOLUTE STEAL OF THE DAY'. . . that rare elusive find that would just drive the others crazy with envy and make us the BEST BARGAIN SHOPPER OF ALL TIME
(never mind the fact that we were completely worn to a frazzle and could barely hold ourselves upright at the table)



I'll skip to the GOOD STUFF. . . Here's how the conversation ended--and I will leave it up to you to determine the 'winner'. It doesn't take a special agent from the FBI or brain surgeon to figure it out (and I've actually had experiences with both--but that's ANOTHER story)

Gal pal #1: Oh MAN! What a day I've had. Just LOOK at what I got. (she hoists 4 giant shopping bags up to the table totaling more than 50 pounds) Check THIS one out--(she pulls a sweater from one of the bags) Can you believe this? Look at the TAG! It was marked 50% off--but I opened up a new account and got an additional 10% off AND I had a 20% coupon to boot--so I GOT 80% off this brand new silk SWEATER! It only cost me 20 bucks! Couldn't you just DIE!

I had to admit it was very pretty and just my size-and I was wondering how I could slip it into one of my bags unnoticed when gal pal #2 chimed in:

Gal pal #2: Wait! Wait! Wait! You have got to see THIS! (she ruffles through over 2 dozen bags and boxes totaling nearly 75 pounds and plops 3 giant shoe boxes on the table) The Unbelievable Shoe Factory was having an unadvertised sale in their store--buy one and get THREE FREE! Look at my new shoe wardrobe! I got these hooker red stiletto heels, chocolate cherry truffle leather boots, black as sin suede mules, and I only went in to buy some cheap, cheesey sandals for my upcoming beach trip--and I got them TOO, by the way. I only spent 10 bucks for everything!

We were all turning green with envy and very impressed when gal pal #3 spoke up:

Gal pal #3: Well. . . I didn't wanna say anything, because I'm going back right after dinner---but oh, well, I just HAVE to show you! (she goes over to the next table where she has deposited all 47 packages which total well over 100 pounds, and pulls out a long, shiny box and in one grand sweeping gesture, swipes the other gal pals 'finds' to the floor)

Gal pal #3: Would you look at THIS??? (She opens the box to reveal 3 jackets, 2 pair of pants, a belt, and 2 dresses) Banana Republic was having a 'We Might Be, But We're Not Really Sure Going Out Of Business Sale' and I got ALL of this stuff for just 5 bucks!

Gal pal # 1: (very skeptical) Come on! FIVE BUCKS? Lemme see the receipt. . .

Gal pal #3: (obligingly pulls out the receipt) See for yourself.

Gal pal #2: (looking over gal pal #1's shoulder) Would you look at that? Mark down, after mark down, after mark down. . . why I've never seen so many markdowns. How did you do it?

Gal pal #1: (still not letting go of the skepticism) Yeah, how DID you do it?

Gal pal #3: (faltering a bit) Well. . . I did promise to go out with the manager after I get off work tomorrow---and I gave him my cell number. (the song 'There's A Sucker Born Every Minute' goes off in her purse) Oops! I think I've got a text message. . . gotta run! (she starts to scoop up her treasures and begins heading out of the cafe)

Which leaves gal pals #1 and #2 looking expectantly at me. . .

Me: Well, I don't wanna brag or anything. . .

Gal pal #1: Then don't.

Gal pal #2: It's OK--we can take it. . . Come on! What'd you find?

Me: Well. . . it's not much--I mean, I don't have NEARLY the stuff you guys managed to find. . .

Gal pal #1: Quit your whining and just tell us what you got.

Gal pal #3 (pauses and readjusts her packages) Oh, I guess I could stay a minute to see what you found. . . come on 'showmethesale', did you live up to your name?

Me: (I pull out one medium size shopping bag and set it on the corner of the table. The probable weight was less than 8 pounds) Well, I went to every store that had a sale sign out in front. . .

All 3 gal pals: Yeah?

Me: And I really didn't find much of anything. . .

Gal pal #3: (not really meaning it) Oh, I'm so sorry.

Gal pal #2: Yeah, that's really too bad. . .

Gal pal #1: (not buying it and shrewder than ever) AND????

Me: And then I came to this one tiny store--way in the back of the outlet shops, where no one ever goes. . . and they were having a 'secret sale' on handbags.

All three Gal pals: (Their interest has perked up immensely) Really?

Me: Yeah, and you know how I LOVE handbags. . . so I was looking around and I found these two adorable leather handbags that I absolutely loved. . . and I couldn't decide between the two--so I went up to the sales lady and asked what the prices were on them, because the tags had so many red slashes and mark downs on them that it was impossible to read. . .

All three Gal pals: (Now they are practically salivating with anticipation) Go on!

Me: Well. . . the sweet lil' lady behind the counter said that these two particular bags were being discontinued. . .

All three Gal pals: (Gasp)

Me: And that if I would just get them out of her store so that she could have room to display her new stock that I could have them for FREE along with few other items she needed to move. . .

All three Gal pals: (sharp intake of breath) WHAT OTHER ITEMS?

Me: (calling to Rocco who was patiently waiting outside the bistro) Oh Rocco, sweetie, could you come in here for a sec? And bring the 'stuff'. . .

Rocco comes in pushing a large rack of garment bags filled with coats, dresses, tops, trousers, and a stuffed giraffe. My gal pals are speechless and about to explode with sheer envy.

Gal pal #3: That's CRAZY! You're LYING! Wait! What are you holding in your hand?
(she rips the certificate from the store outta my hand and faints dead on the floor)

Gal pals #2 & #1: (with fear and trembling) What is it? What did it say?

Me: (smiling sweetly) Oh, nothing. It's just a 50.00 gift certificate to the store for taking this stuff off her hands. . . anyone wanna go shopping?

And to all my blogger friends out there--yer darn tootin' I didn't come by this 'Showmethesale' name fer nuthin!