I'm trying the 'shut-your-pie-hole' diet for the new year!

Well. . . it's the start of a new year and of course, goals and resolutions must be determined so they can be broken in just a few short weeks. . .

So here's my BIG ONE for this next year.

I have decided to go on the ultimate weight loss diet. I call it the 'shut-your-pie-hole' diet.

Trust me, after being in the 'fitness industry' for nearly 25 years, I know what works and what doesn't. No weight loss plan, exercise gadgets, pills, diet drinks or diet foods work as effectively as this secret method I am about to share with you.



JUST SHUT YER STINKIN' PIE-HOLE and stop eating so much food! Seriously. That's it! Works like a charm. . . If you don't put very much down the ole' gullet--you won't have to worry about that much coming out in the end (if ya know what I mean) OR you won't have to worry about that much extra girth being added to your frame.

This plan is brilliant in it's simplicity--but sometimes rather tricky to actually execute--especially when around such mouth-watering temptations as these:





If you show the slightest weakness around these foods--stop going to places that serve them. . . don't hang around carnivals, movie-theater concession stands, friend's houses, restaurants, grocery stores and delis, and above all else--steer clear of ice-cream parlors, doughnut shops and bakeries!



And it goes without saying you must completely avoid your pantry and refrigerator. (and your nightstand drawer and top closet shelf where you hide the extra goodies)

Yes, you may tend to get a bit 'cranky'. . . possibly paranoid. . . slightly stressed and from time to time you might even find yourself in a FOUL MOOD from not eating as much as you want any time you want. . . But just remember that mantra that you must keep saying to yourself over and over and OVER again: 'Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels' (and whatever other nonsense you can come up with)

The 'SHUT-YOUR-PIE-HOLE' diet is quite effective on it's own--but when you combine it with the 'GET-OFF-YOUR-BUTT-AND-WORK-THAT-THING-OFF' exercise program, the results are nothing short of AMAZING!

This exercise program is also quite simple in structure (but the execution can be as complex as you want to make it)

Just make sure you move around a lot more than you sit or lie down. You don't need to belong to a fancy gym--you can do some really insane things right in your own domicile. For example:

• If you have stairs in your house--run up and down them 10 or 20 times EXTRA for every time you have to make a trip.

• When you want to use your phone, computer, TV, or CD-player--take a walk around the block first. (I suggest that when you have to use the bathroom, just go ahead and do it--and THEN take your walk around the block)

• When folding and putting away clothes, put them in surprising places (kinda like an Easter Egg Hunt) Then go back and try and find them and put them away correctly. If you hide them outdoors, you may need to do your laundry again (which just increases the workout and the fun!)

You can also be creative in the workplace or any errands that you normally do. For example:

• When you shop--don't just park your car in the farthest spot from the store--park it at a completely different lot and then walk/jog/hitchhike to the store. If you happen to have a TON of stuff to drag back to the car--don't use a shopping cart or bag--bring each thing one at a time. (Or buy each item separately and then go back in for each additional item)
  

• If you work in a multi-level building--take the stairs to your office, instead of the elevator. And if you are only on the second or third floor--don't be a wimp. Go all the way to the top and then back down to your floor. For extra fun, you can always bring belay and rappel tools and scale the building from the outside to get to your office.
  

• When typing on your keyboard--every time you hit the 'e' key--drop down on the floor and do 25 push ups. And if you take coffee or bathroom breaks--be sure to walk all the way around your building before sitting your fanny back down at your desk.

Yes, I am fairly certain that the SHUT-YOUR-PIE-HOLE and the GET-OFF-YOUR-BUTT-AND-WORK-THAT-THING-OFF will become the rage among fitness gurus in the near future. I can hear you speculate, 'But does it actually work?' Oh yes, Virgina, it REALLY DOES WORK. They key is to actually DO it!



I'm not sure they will keep the clever names though. Fitness experts may market it as something more politically correct, such as; 'Eat in moderation and get Regular Exercise' or some other mediocre title. But make no mistake about it--you heard it HERE first! And I'm going to try it and report back from time to time and tell you how it's going. . .

If any of you care to join me--that's GREAT! (misery loves company) And as TINY Tim would say: 'God reduce us, every one!'