Never ask information from the Starbucks lady. . .

Another cautionary tale and word to the wise here. . . (and all that other 'be forewarned' stuff)

This goes right along with my previous post about being stressed to the gills over my dear son's impending nuptials. . . but anyway here's what happened to me this morning.

So I'm going out to our city's public offices building so I can get my son a marriage license application and express mail it to him so that he and his intended bride can fill it out and send it in and hopefully receive it back in time to get 'hitched' SINCE THE WEDDING TAKES PLACE TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!

Never mind the fact that dear son calls me last night and asks me to do this. . . as he is now out of state and has forgotten to take care of this one little detail until the very last minute. . . and the fact that I'd rather poke red hot needles in my eyes than go into a government building. . . but I digress!

So I get to the appropriate building (which is a huge complex) and walk in the front doors and see a kiosk straight ahead with a large sign which reads 'Starbucks, Pastries, Information'

OK--they had me at INFORMATION--so I go up to the lady behind the counter and ask her exactly where the room is where I would go to obtain a marriage license application. Now at the same time I am looking around, trying to get my bearings and notice a large set of double doors with some big sign over the front stating: Marriage License Applications and other Important Stuff'

So I am about to tell her a polite 'Never Mind' when she says:

Starbucks lady: You just go down this hall to your left, then wind around for about half a block until you come to the big bendy curve and veer right--then make an abrupt left, go through the terminal to the outcropping and it will be room 160.

Me: But what about those doors over to my right with the large sign that says marriage license on it?

Starbucks lady: No, that's not it. I've worked here for over 11 years--and you want to take the directions I gave you and go to room 160.

Me: OK

So off I go over the river and through the woods basically (dang! Where's that GPS system when you need it?) and after about 20 minutes of wandering I finally find room 160, and ever hopeful, proceed through the doors.

Smiling person behind the counter: What can I do for you?

Me: (a bit unsure at this point) Is this where I would get a marriage license application?

Laughing person behind the counter calling all his coworkers to the front: What, are you KIDDING ME? How could you possibly have missed the big double doors on your right as you came in that had the huge six foot sign that reads: 'MARRIAGE LICENSE APPLICATIONS AND OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF'?

Person behind the counter's coworker friend: And how did you even FIND this place? We've been trying like heck to keep this department under wraps.

Me: Uh. . . thanks anyway. (leaving the room amidst peals of laughter and shaking heads)

Now I have to make my way BACK through the labyrinth and out to the front of the building again---so I once again collect my bearings and head off back in the direction I had come. . . (I hope)

While on the way I encounter a guy who had the same disgruntled look of complete disbelief on his face that I had. He took one look at me and said:

Upset guy: Let me guess. You got information from the Starbucks lady?

Me: Yep. I'm on my way back--care to join me?

Upset guy: Sure. I was just sent to take a whiz in what turned out to be the janitor's closet. I had asked directions to the nearest rest room.

Lady coming up behind with her arm in a sling and cursing under her breath: Wait! Are you guys trying to get back to the front of the building? Let me join you.

Upset guy: No problem. What happened to you?

Lady with arm in a sling: I asked the Starbucks lady for directions on where to get a building permit and ended up on some scaffolding on the south side of the building where they are doing some construction--and I fell off and dislocated my shoulder.

Me: My goodness! (suddenly I did not feel so bad)

As we wended our way back to the start of the maze we picked up two more folks who had also encountered the 'Starbucks lady' and had gotten false information. One of them had been wandering the halls for days and had completely forgotten why she was there in the first place.

Well. . . my self righteous indignation was killing me by the time I got back to the front lobby and the 'information booth'. I marched right up to that Starbucks lady and said: Hey! You might want to make a note of this for future reference to tell people. (pointing to the big double doors right across from her) You can get marriage license applications (and other important stuff) right over there--through those doors--where the SIGN says 'Marriage Licenses And Other Important Stuff'

Starbucks lady: (looking completely taken aback) No way! That is too weird. I wouldn't trust it if I were you. A sign like that is too obvious. I still say it's in room 160.

Me: (walking through the big double doors with fear and trepidation and slinking up to the front counter) Is this where I would get a marriage license application?

Person behind the counter: Well, of course it is. It says so right on the door, doesn't it? What, did you think it was in room 160 or something? (chuckles)

Me: (Speechless)

Person behind the counter: (taking pity on me) Look, if you ever have a question or get confused about anything--you can always ask our friendly Starbucks lady.

Me: (Takes the marriage license application and runs for the front door)

The moral of this story?

Stay away from the Starbucks lady. AND government buildings.

(Oh--and now my son who is getting married owes me at least 3 grandchildren, has to live within a 10 mile radius from my house, and pay for a vacation to Bermuda for me and a dear friend. . . and we haven't even talked about what happened when I got to the POST OFFICE to send this thing express mail)

ARRRGGGGH!