Day at the nail spa. . .

OK. . . right off the bat I need to pose this observation:

Have you ever noticed the names these nail places have?

I mean. . . come on--this is right out of Business 101: Simple Marketing By Name Association Techniques!


Names like:

Happy Nails
Very Happy Nails
Very Very Happy Nails
More Happy Than Any Of The Other Nails
Good Nail Spa
Sure Good Nail Spa
Sure! Very Good Nail Spa
Better Nail Spa
Best Nail For Price Spa
Gorgeous Nails
More Gorgeous Nails
So Gorgeous Others Will Puke When They See You Nails
You Look Good Nails
You Look Better Nails
Sure You Look Gooder Than Any Other Nails

and I'm sure you get the point by now. . . Oh my! Where do they come up with these names? And the competition AMONG the names is quite funny. . .

Anyway. . . just after Christmas and before the wedding of my son, I took my mother-in-law (whom I'll refer to as 'MIL') and new daughter-in-law to be (whom I'll affectionately call 'DIL') to my favorite nail place--which was: 'Oh My Heavens You Look Very Very Gorgeous And Really Good Happy Nail Spa'

And boy--these cute little Vietnamese women who run the place do not disappoint! No sooner were we in the door than I found myself ensconced between MIL and DIL in the pedicure/massage chairs from HEAVEN! These chairs not only gave us a full neck and body massage--they also whispered subliminal messages of how we must come back within 30 days if we didn't want to look like washed out hags. . . (very clever!)

Next we were treated to the beverage of our choice while our toes were steamed and boiled then deep fried to a rosy pink and marinated with a non-fat vegetable oil. . .

Now before I elaborate further, you must realize that my MIL had NEVER BEFORE set foot in that shop, when one of the Vietnamese workers arrived in the spa to begin her workday there. She marched right up to my MIL and grabbed her by the arm, breaking her out of her reverie and declared: 'You look GOOD today! It long time I see you! You look so good! How nice to see you again. It been long time. You look very good! So GOOD!'

(I think the stereotype runs BOTH ways--to this Vietnamese woman, all old white ladies look alike and she must have mistaken my MIL as one of her customers)

My MIL says to her: Do you really think I look good?

Spa worker: Sure! Sure! You look very good!

MIL: Really?

Spa worker: Yes! Since I see you last you look VERY good! It been long time.

MIL: Yes--it has!

Spa worker (running to back room to take off her coat and clock in, I suppose) OK--I be back and see you later. Have a nice day!

My MIL turns to me and says: Do I look good?

I take a really good look at her for the first time that morning and say: Sure! Sure! Since I've last seen you--you look VERY good!

MIL sits back with a satisfied smile. . .

Next we were treated to manicures, where they not only got our nails in 'really good fine shape' and massaged our hands till they were as 'soft as babies bottoms' but they again were giving us subliminal messages in Vietnamese such as: 'You better come back in 2 to 3 weeks and do this again or your nails will look like disgusting dried up beets' (I was getting the message loud and clear)

My cute lil' DIL was getting the message BIG TIME as she was being talked into a full facial, eyebrow wax, tropic body dip, hair glossing and pulling treatment, elbow relocation therapy and some sort of treatment that was mysterious and secret but would make everyone drop to their knees and bow to the floor when she entered the room on her wedding day. Her eyes were misting up with the possibilities--but she's a practical girl and so she settled on the eyebrow wax.


MIL, in the meantime was in deep conversation with her spa worker--so I had to check it out in case I needed to intervene if she was signing over a second mortgage on her home or something! (Again--you must remember that my MIL hadn't ever been in this nail spa before and she had NEVER in her 74 year old life had her 'brows waxed')

But she decided to go for the brow wax too! (gotta love this gutsy attitude)

Spa worker: You need brow wax!

MIL: I do?

Spa worker: Yes! It been long time since you waxed brows.

MIL: Yeah, it's been like. . . forever!

Spa worker: I do good for you.

MIL: Will it hurt?

Spa worker: No. Hurt maybe a little bit. Not much. Not hurt enough to go to hospital.

MIL: Will I look good?

Spa worker: Sure! Sure! You look good!

So DIL and MIL are lead happily ever after to the 'back room' where no one can hear the screams of agony as the waxing procedure begins. After they both signed consent forms that were dated and notarized, I found out my DIL had never had her brows waxed either. . . so I was a bit apprehensive if they would both be OK and still talk to me after they came out.

They both game out beaming and ecstatic. (those subliminal messages being piped into the room the entire time must have done the trick) Poor DIL was red and puffy around the eyes for a few hours, but doggone it! She really DID look good! MIL game out like the true ole' battle axe she was--with not a mark on her or a hint of redness to show for the ordeal of beauty she just went through.

MIL's words to me: Do I look good?

ME: Yes.

DIL (not wanting to be left out): What about me? Do I look good?

ME: Yes! (where was that spa worker when you needed her--and why was I doing her job now?)

Finally we had our feet dipped in paraffin wax that was a lovely peach bouquet scent, and somehow managed to send subliminal messages to our feet which said that if we didn't come back and do this within 21 days our toes would become full of fungus and fall off. . .

As we paid our bills, oiled, buffed, massaged, manicured, and waxed--and heading out the front doors, my OWN little spa worker said to me: You look VERY GOOD!

Ahhhhh! Those doggone subliminal messages kicked in. . . I was now hooked! I guess I'll be back. . .