The new 'politically correct' grading system

Well, well, well! What will they think of next???

My youngest son had to go to his high school to get his 'official transcript' since they somehow forgot to mail his final grades out after the school term ended this past June.

And the 'new, improved' grading system I found on that parchment was a WONDER TO BEHOLD!

You can actually receive grades like:

BM ( a B grade Modified--which means your B grade actually could have taken a 'dump' to a C--but we left it alone for now)

Or. . .

DH (a D grade with Honors! Fer cryin' out loud! Now you can get a below passing grade WITH HONORS! Which means technically you were too stupid for us to bump up to a C- or something, so we're gonna put an EXTRA BIG SMILEY FACE by your D to make you feel better)

Or. . .

FH (an F grade with Honors--which means you failed, but you did it with style--and that's really hard to do, so kudos to YOU!)

Or. . .

PM (which is Passing Modified--which means. . . who the heck knows? We're gonna pass you--but we are gonna have to have a hall monitor tail you around for a few days to make sure that you can find your locker)

Or. . .

AM (a A that has been Modified--which basically means, this SHOULD have been a B--but we know you are a totally anal student who will end up getting your parents to protest and sue the entire school board, so we're gonna give you that A--but realize it's a tenuous line you are walking here--so stress yourself out, and SHAPE UP!)

Or. . .

WBF (Withdrawn But Fine--We reserve the right to withdraw the original grade we gave you--but not to worry, you are just fine--you may end up with a BM in PM after you retake your classes in the AM)

Or a slew of other acronyms that it would take me far too long to explain. . .
But rest assured, I am so happy that FINALLY 'no child will be left behind'!! Yep! No child's feelings will ever be hurt again--those pesky A, B, C, D, and F grades are a thing of the past. . .

Kids cannot be just an 'A' student anymore. They can be AM--(Average Modified) or AH (Average with Honors) or ASS (Average Super Student)

I must say, some of these new grades had me baffled--but then I thought, heck! Why not have some FUN with these acronyms and really tell it like it is?

Why give the standard 'I' for an 'incomplete' grade? (You know, the class you completely skipped or screwed up in) Why not throw in an appropriate acronym and tell the whole story? Such as:

IRA (Incomplete but Really Attempted)

Or better yet--ICON (Incomplete, Capable Of Nothing)

Or the creme de la creme--IDIOTS (Incompetent Dolt whose Ignorance Is Off The Scorecard)

Hey! Now that's something I could really get behind. . .



Don't say you weren't warned about the new grading system.

And don't be fooled when little Johnny and Susie come home and tell you that they are an 'A' student. You need to delve a little deeper and find out if they are an AH, an AM, an AD, or ADHD. . . or something else entirely. . .