Why my dental hygienist is a terrorist

For the love of PETE!  As if I didn't already have enough to be freaked out about--now I have to worry about those pesky twice yearly 'dental cleanings'.

I got up at the crack of 'too early to be thinking clearly, let alone get out of bed and let loose on the world' this morning so I could get my dental visit over with.

I have about as much love for going to the dentist as I do a tax audit.  But since I do like teeth that still stick to my gums and that minty-fresh overly white smile that says 'you just paid a fortune to have your teeth whitened' look--I made my semi-annual trek down to the dentist's office to have a 'cleaning.'

I actually thought this might be my lucky day as my dentist had hired a new,  very young hygienist who looked all of about 14.  So I figured she would be through with me quickly and painlessly since she looked like she could barely lift a rinse cup. Besides she looked so sweet and innocent and talked in a baby soft voice.

Boy was I in for a surprise!

She asked if I had ever had a cleaning with the new water/pick drill method.  I didn't think so--but then, everything in a dental office either has water, picks, or drills to go with  it.

That's when the madness began.  Holy Mother of Agua!. . .  this was the most tortuous fun I can ever remember having to date.

Dental Terrorist:  Put on these goggles for protection.  Oh, and this might be a little noisy.

Me:  Uh, OK.

Then the sound a room full of hyped up school teachers running their fingers down a massive chalk board assaulted my ears--followed by the sound of a harrier jet engine revving up.

Me:  Holy crap, what is that noise?

Dental Terrorist:  That's just the water drill warming up.  Here we go. . . you will most likely get a bit wet.  But think of it as a facial mist at a spa or something.

That's when she shot cold water into my mouth at the speed of light with a pressure that ripped my upper palate right off.  The 'pick' would drill into my gums and the water jet would rinse everything off and erupt out of my mouth and all over my face and hair and goggles (if she wasn't too quick with that 'suction-thingy'--which she sometimes wasn't)

Now, I am not an expert on water-boarding--nor am I claiming that I have actually been to Gitmo--BUT, I'm thinking  that had I been interrogated during any point of this of 'water-drilling' event, I would have given up my deepest, darkest secrets and even made up stuff--just to get this woman from the nether regions of Hell to JUST PLEASE STOP!

After being given a towel and several tissues to wipe up and dry off, the lady terrorist had the chutzpa  to ask me how I liked it.

Me:  Hopefully that was a one time deal.


Dental terrorist:  We will be using this a lot--since it really does a deep down cleaning for gums and teeth.

Me:  Seriously, next time if I promise to be really good and floss hourly, can you just go back to using the scrapers and picks that make my gums bleed?

Dental terrorist:  Oh, you are a funny one, aren't you?  The dentist will be in to follow up with you shortly.  You may want to reapply your make-up.

She hands me a mirror so that I can take a gander at my face which shows my mascara and make-up dripping down my chin.  While I'm trying to salvage my self-respect and tissue-dry my ruined face--in walks Dr. Perfect, my handsome dentist.

Dentist:  What?  No shouting or whining today?  I thought you had the 'water-drill' cleaning.

Me:  I couldn't say a thing--I was drowning.

Dentist:  Well, here's a little goody bag for you then--since you were such a good girl your first time.

Me:  What do the other patients do?  (maybe I could get some tips)

Dentist:  Never mind.  Is there anything you need to ask me?

Me:  Do you have a hair dryer?

Dentist:  You are a funny one, aren't you?  We'll see you in a few months.


(the heck you will!)

I'm not sure what they are teaching in 'dental hygiene' school these days--but I'm thinking that maybe some of the wrong 'methods' have found their way into the tomes of dental care.

All I know is, that I now have to buy a wetsuit and  mask for before my next appointment.

San Diego, Palm Springs and SUNSHINE!

You might be sitting there, asking yourself, 'Where the SNOT have you been and what have you been up to lately?  And why is there a picture of a GIANT SUN on your post?'

Or you may not really care at all and have somehow just inadvertently stumbled onto this blog.  (I have a sneaking suspicion that's how most folks manage to find themselves here)

Anyway--I will tell you that I have been on a 'Vitamin D' quest for the past few months (since the northwestern part of the United States gets so doggone rainy and gray and GLOOMY over the winter months).  I was getting a bit sun-deprived by mid march and decided to head out to San Diego and Palm Springs for some fun in the sun. . . and I was not disappointed.

The sun and the weather cooperated beautifully and I took in huge mega-doses of Vitamin D--hopefully enough to last me until spring and summer fully hit my neck of the woods. . .

I met up with my mother in law--and we stayed with some friends of hers there.  These folks were FABULOUS--very gracious and fun and had an amazing view from up in those beautiful San Diego hills where they lived:

There was plenty of sunshine!  So much so that they had flowers growing all over the place--even indoors in the window sill!

 

I also got a bit of an education on the hobby of 'backyard trains' while I was there.  These folks built the most amazing train along a rock face by the side of their pool.  (My little grandsons would have gone NUTS over this):

Apparently there was a mishap right before I got there--and the train had jumped the track and took a swan dive into the pool.  Since the engine was out for repair, I didn't get to see it running it's course this time around--but I was assured of an amazing show if I ever return.  (These folks didn't know any better to tempt me like that)

We also spent some time in Palm Springs to see 'The Follies' and take the Aerial Tramway up the San Jacinto Mountain.

The Follies show was amazing!  When I consider the average age of these women is around 68 years old--and they are still dancing and singing and performing and wearing outrageous costumes--it makes me want to schedule a session with a plastic surgeon right now!  For the love of Pete--some of these women (and men) were still high-stepping in their 80's! 

Rita Coolidge was the headliner performing during the time I was there. . . and wow!  She's still got it!  (not bad for 65, huh?)

One of the perks of going to a show like that for me was the fact that I felt so YOUNG. . . and I didn't have to shuffle out of my seat and stumble around till I found the exit or take the stairs sideways,  one at a time,  like most of the 'seasoned folks' that attended!

The next day was a fun-filled adventure on the big gondola up the mountain.  This was the Aerial Tramway in Palm Springs--and I'm going to post a little LINKY-POO RIGHT HERE so you can click on it and read all about it.

The ride was breathtaking and the day was sunny but cool and there was lots of SNOW!  Simply beautiful!

It was SOME KINDA SCARY looking down and going all the way up to the tippy top. The ride took about 10 minutes to climb 8,000 plus feet. The gondola floor turns--so you get a total 360 degree 'look-see' (since the outer shell is entirely glass)  And your ears keep popping and it's a REAL THRILL passing over the towers where the cable jerks you forward a bit and you pick up more speed.  WHEW!  We actually made it and no one in our gondola peed their pants.  (as far as I could tell)

At the top we found snow, and sun, and trees, and trails. . . (and a bathroom)

I was able to soak up MASSIVE doses of vitamin D and meet some new friends and eat delicious food and see amazing places and I even got serenaded while I shopped!

I'm giving a shout-out of thanks to my mother in law who is always 'Johhny-On-The-Spot' and willing to do zany things at the last minute. . . and another thanks to Ted and Dorothy and their friends who put up with us and were such gracious hosts.  I think I absorbed quite a bit of Vitamin D. . . at least enough to last me on the plane ride back home, planning for the next adventure.

Ode to Spring. . .

Spring is finally here in the great northwest. . . and in spite of some chill and rain that seems to keep coming at random intervals, my back yard is in bloom!  YEA!

YEP!  I'm lovin' it!

I just adore the Oregon Coast. . .

Back in January dear hubby and I took a much needed 'weekend getaway' to the Oregon coast.  We traveled down to Newport and stayed at a cool little 'Coast Gardens' place overlooking Newport Bay.

A huge storm came blowing in that evening and it was WAY COOL to see the humongous storm surge that brought a ton of water and HUGE crashing waves in the next day as we traversed some of the beaches.

Kinda cold--and misty--but VERY beautiful!

Devil's Churn is absolutely one of my most favorite places to visit along the Oregon Coast--and there was plenty of exciting waves crashing along the cliffs and sounding like booming cannons as it went back into the caves. . .

We managed to get some shopping in and take in some of the 'Better Establishments':

We stayed in the coolest little room right over the bay and had some noisy sea lions for neighbors--but with the use of a wave machine, floor fan, and ear plugs--we managed to get through the nights just fine!

Such a great trip--even in the cold, wintry time of year. . . now I gotta play 'catch up' with all my other adventures. . .